FML

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Once upon a time, I asked God to take away everything from my life so hat I only had Him to rely on. It worked. The most important thing in my life, my best friend and lover was taken away, and did I ever rely on him. I always ask Him to take away things so that I don’t get comfortable with possessions and statuses, but right now, I’m too scared to do that.

I spilled soda on my laptop. I tried to fix it, and ended up breaking it completely.
I had to buy a wireless keyboard and mouse setup. I lost my mouse.
The day after I broke my computer, my roommate tells me that someone knocked over my moped in the parking lot.
My hours got cut at work, which takes away about $150 from my pocket each week.
A girl at work said to me, “You drive that little scooter? How old are you?!”
I have absolutely no food, so I went shopping for cheese and tortilla chips. On the way home, a bag of chips fell of my moped. I went to pick it up, only to find it run over.
I have essays to write, and, in perfect timing, all my Microsoft Office software crashes.
I constantly have killer acid reflux.
I have to come up with lots of money for the deposit on our new apartment. I don’t know how that’s going to happen, due to my cut hours.
My astronomy teacher hasn’t logged any of my lab assignments. I’ve tried so many times to contact him, and nothing has resolved. I am now failing that class, and will fail it if it isn’t resolved in three days.
I cut my leg at work today.
I spill things on myself constantly.
I openly embarrass myself with the things I do.

Sometimes,
I just want a real life. I’m tired of being in limbo. I’m tired of waiting for a beautiful girl who loves me to come around. I’m tired of waiting for the day when I don’t have to go 34 miles an hour in the most pathetic two-wheeled machine every, that barely weighs more than me. I’m tired of my four-year-old, duct-taped sandals that hurt my feet. I’m tired of my homemade and hand-me-down clothing that makes me look homeless. I’m tired of spending hours on my porch being unproductive, just wallowing. I’m tired of school, because I have no goal in sight. I’m tired of my up-and-down spiritual life that makes me wonder day-to-day what my emotions will be like at any given moment. I’m tired of feeling utterly and hopelessly poor (though I know that is the farthest thing from the truth).

I’m just so tired. I’m exhausted in every facet I possess.

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.

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